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May 6, 2009 / brockbruce

Is Kissing OK?


Actually the question was “Is kissing a sin before you are married?’ That’s the question I was asked a few weeks ago by a couple different teenagers. I gave them an answer I believe to be straight forward and good. No. The bible does not forbid prenuptial kissing. But it does forbid sexual immorality. That is defined as any sexual activity outside of a male/female marriage covenant is sin. I encouraged them to draw clear biblical lines regarding sex and all physical activity in their relationship and then to stay away from those boundaries. I helped them establish some clear guidelines for where those boundaries should be. Because the closer you get to the boundaries the sooner you cross them. Can kissing lead to sexual sin? Sure. But so can looking. That is why we must understand God’s design and plan for our sexuality. Sex is only holy when it is done with God’s blessing. He blesses marriage.

A better question to ask yourselves is “Why are we kissing?” Is it a simple kiss or are we unleashing great passions? Do we kiss too much? Do we touch too much? Does our relationship look any different than our unsaved friends? When people see us together do they see Christ?

There is a new movement called Virgin Lips Movement. They celebrate a kiss free life until marriage (again not a sin, they just want to guard their sexuality). Is it for everyone? I don’t think so. Is it a good idea? Definitely, if it makes you examine your sexuality in light of God’s word. This culture is far too selfish and pleasure seeking. Discipline in sexuality is a good thing. And marriage is a great thing. As Jon Foreman of Switchfoot wrote “Sex is easier than love”, but God is love. Our culture tends to make sex god.

Boundless.org blogs about the Virgin Lips Movement here. This is what they say.

Dr. Al Mohler is writing and talking about a trend among dating believers to reserve all sexual intimacy — including kissing — for marriage. He says,

Over the past thirty years Western civilization has undergone a near total transformation in sexual morality. Sex education programs assume that teenagers (and increasingly pre- teens as well) simply will be involved in sexual activity. Sexual purity, abstinence, and sexual denial are written off as unrealistic, unfair, and repressive.

Even so, the Virgin Lips Movement will come as a shock to some older evangelicals. For older Christians, the expectation was, as the Bible makes clear, for sex to wait until marriage. As for kissing, that was considered to be another matter altogether. To some of these older Christians, the Virgin Lips Movement sounds like overkill and over-reaction.

I used to think this sort of thing was over-the-top. But after reading Suzanne’s (excellent) article yesterday on Boundless, I no longer do. She writes,

Our culture is full of “empty words” that tell us that sexual gratification is most important. But Paul warns that choosing anything—whether sexual impurity or greed—over God is idolatry. So our choices regarding “how far is too far” aren’t about the behaviors themselves but about our esteem of God and His commands.

These choices are so serious that we can potentially separate ourselves from our spiritual inheritance—not only the prize awaiting us in heaven but the power in Christ we can have now. One friend described it this way: “Getting too physical just dulls you spiritually. Pretty soon stuff that felt wrong doesn’t feel wrong anymore.”

And as a pastor, Dr. Mohler concurs. He says,

As any minister who works with youth and young adults knows, the “how far is too far question” is a constant. The Virgin Lips Movement represents a determination to stop that train before it leaves the station, so to speak. Consider this: In the space of little more than a single generation, we have seen the breaking down of virtually every social and cultural support for sexual abstinence. …Now, most young couples face the temptation of romantic contexts in which intimacy — and this means sexual intimacy — is a likely outcome. The Virgin Lips Movement represents a serious effort to push back against this expectation and to create boundaries that will protect virtue and honor marriage.”


Good thoughts, to be sure. Check out the blog here, you’ll also find more links in the original post.

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